8 Strategies to Improve Positive Self-Talk
“I should’ve known better.”
“C’mon, you’ve got this!”
“It’s just my luck.”
There’s a decent chance you’ve heard these phrases before — right inside your very own head. That’s because they’re common examples of self-talk, the internal dialogue we have with ourselves throughout the day. At certain times it’s unconscious and at others it’s obvious, but one thing’s for sure: Our mental chatter quietly shapes our actions, expectations, and well-being, for better or for worse.
“When we engage in positive self-talk, like ‘I can handle this’ or ‘I’ve done this before,’ we tend to boost our confidence, reduce anxiety, and improve performance,” mental health practitioner, educator, and author Sheila Robinson-Kiss explains to Nice News. “In contrast, negative self-talk — ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I always mess up’ — can increase stress, undermine motivation, and contribute to issues like depression or low self-esteem.”
Research shows that negative self-talk can stimulate the amygdala, the part of the brain that regulates emotions like fear and anxiety. When we feel threatened by real or non-existent dangers, the amygdala helps trigger the release of adrenaline and cortisol. These are stress hormones that raise our heart rates and blood sugar, and can impair digestion, decrease sleep quality, and deplete serotonin levels, potentially contributing to depression and other mental health issues when levels are too high.
But positive self-talk has been found to activate the brain’s reward system, stimulating the release of dopamine. Think of this as the “happiness hormone” — it increases our sense of pleasure and satisfaction, improves our motor skills, sharpens our memory, and heightens our cognitive abilities like decision-making and problem-solving. (Putting these observations into practice, one 2020 study involving golf players showed that both motivational — “I can do this” — and instructional — “eyes on the ball” — self-talk improved participants’ coordination and energy levels.)
“Positive self-talk lowers stress and anxiety by calming down your nervous system,” says Michelle Maidenberg, a psychotherapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. “As a result, you’re able to think more clearly, manage your emotions effectively, and approach challenges with greater confidence and resilience.”
When turned into a habit and practiced over time, she adds, positive self-talk can also “boost your self-esteem, improve your motivation, and even support better physical health by strengthening your immune system and heart function. People who engage in positive self-talk are also more willing to take healthy risks, pursue growth opportunities, and bounce back more quickly from setbacks.”
Maidenberg recommends eight key strategies:
1. Start by Noticing, Not Changing
“Awareness is the first step. Simply observe when you’re engaging in negative self-talk without trying to change it immediately.”
2. Name Your Inner Critic
“Give it a silly name, like ‘Nagging Nancy’ or ‘Doomsday Dan.’ This creates psychological distance and makes the critical voice less powerful.”
3. Practice “Thought Checking”
“Ask yourself: ‘Is this thought true? Is it helpful? What would I say to a friend in this situation?’”
4. Use the “Third-Person Technique”
“Research shows that using your own name or ‘you’ in self-talk (as in ‘Michelle, you’ve handled tough things before’) increases emotional regulation and reduces anxiety.”
5. Create Positive Mantras or Affirmations
“Write simple, believable affirmations like ‘I’m learning to trust myself,’ and repeat them daily. Avoid affirmations that feel too far from your current reality — they may backfire.”
6. Catch and Replace
“When you hear the negative voice say ‘I’m terrible at this,’ consciously reframe it to ‘I’m still learning, and that’s OK.’”
7. Visual Reminders
“Leave sticky notes with positive reminders around your home or workspace. This keeps uplifting thoughts in your visual field.”
8. Practice Self-Compassion
“Remember, it’s normal to struggle. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a close friend.”
Even though the way we talk to ourselves may seem deeply ingrained and difficult to change, we can reframe our internal monologues with patience, practice, and perseverance. “Your brain has something called neuroplasticity,” Maidenberg concludes, “meaning it literally rewires itself based on repeated thoughts and behaviors.”
Source: Tim Brinkhof, Nice News
“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”
– Willie Nelson
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